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The
Beginnings of Medicine, via the Back Passage. |
by:
Thick
Mick. |
Hello, Mick here.
When I should have been in short pants,
but didn't have any, medicine was hardly
a tonic.
The nearest comparable thing to modern medicine
was a type of Acupuncture
The most noticeable difference between it
then, and now, is the needles.
We didn't have medical grade stainless steel.
What we did have though, was an ample supply
of bamboo chutes.
While these were considered organic, whatever
that is, they were somewhat larger in diameter.
If time goes as slow for you as it does
for me, then discover the virtues of ORIGINAL
MEDICINE.
The science of putting such probes in particular
nerve paths was more primitive, and one
hundred times more effective.
Supposing that you had an earache, then
I can guarantee you that you would only
have it once.
An immature chute (three-inches in diameter)
would be forcibly inserted directly to the
site of the pain!! It was a similar deal
for eye infections! Re-infections were non-existent!
In the off-chance that you had diarrhoea,
then the treatment was local, rapid and
somewhat final.
I won't even mention toothache. We had no
teeth! Indeed, teeth and any associated
maladies, were considered to be a waste
of good timber.
Eczema, psoriasis, acne and indeed migraine
were migrant workers, as far as we were
concerned.
Asthma was slightly different though, and
was an herbal remedy for flatulence, not
that we had much. It would be "lanced",
long before it would present a problem.
Gaseous or otherwise.
Yes, our local clinic was never understaffed
or under-resourced, such was the availability
of bamboo.
Should a hungry dinosaur "happen" on your
leg, arm, or anything except your head (this
would have been considered to be a "threat"),
a simple poultice made of Zinc (readily
available at the 7/11), Selenium (unavailable,
but anything starting with "S" was sufficient,
and only your imagination could deprive
you), and milk (from the milkman), would
redirect the pain. Guaranteed!!!!
You had to be tough to survive medicine,
and that was just practicing it.
To survive it as a patient required a sharp
memory. If you "forgot" your previous visit,
then ...........well then......longevity
was not for you!
There was nothing trivial, repetitive or
indeed actual, about the Hippocratic oath.
"Accept your fate, and relinquish your dinosaur
eggs" as I remember it, was the motto of
Medicine.
Mick,
medicinalmalice@thetrivialtimes.com
About the Author
Thick Mick is an "expert columnist" with
the www.TheTrivialTimes.com |
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