The
Food Pyramid
by:
Bob
Wood
Just a few calories ago, the
government revised the food pyramid.
You can see it at
http://www.mypyramid.gov/
It has a snazzy new logo with
a stick figure dashing up the
Steps To a Healthier You on the
side of the pyramid. It's supposed
to be in better tune with our
complicated modern life, the latest
Scientific Thought, and reflect
a customized pyramid which better
fits our lifestyle, not that there's
anything wrong with that. They
have an animation, a mini-poster
for the art-impaired, and, "a
wealth of ideas to help you get
started to a healthier diet."
In better tune - with modern
life? Then why a pyramid? Isn't
that Egypto-elitist? Doesn't that
perhaps reflect a suspect cash
infusion from the travel industry?
How many people will EVER run
up a pyramid? And if they do,
why aren't they carrying a six
pack of bottled water? "Water,
the Almost Food." Because the
water lobby is weak, that's why.
See, that's what's wrong with
government - no big thinkers.
All around us we see sellouts
and commercialization: Product
placement; Endorsements; Co-promotions;
Synergism! But does the government
see this? Noooo. Instead of cribbing
money from this or that entitlement
program, why not some good old
entrepreneurship in our leadership!
What do you think McDonalds would
pay to have that stickfigure run
up the GOLDEN ARCHES?
But I wonder if the department
of food thought this through?
There could be a stickfigure of
a mom in a stick minivan (note:
sell van logo) or a guy carrying
a laptop (note: sell computer
logo) racing to catch a train
(note: place Amtrak logo), while
talking on his cellphone (note:
sell cellphone logo). Boggles
the mind, doesn't it? THINK of
the monetization possibilities
which could all go to reducing
the budget deficit!
And while we are free-thinking
here, why not go wild and sell
advertising space on the one,
five and ten dollar bill? Some
court is going to strike down
In God We Trust anyway. Consider:
"Reach Out and Touch Someone -
AT&T." Wouldn't they pay a
billion for umpteen gazillion
impressions? And here's the best
part - those bills have a limited
lifetime. The treasury is ALWAYS
taking old worn out ones out of
the supply and printing new ones.
How many OTHER advertisers would
wait in LINE? What do you think
Target would pay to replace that
odd eye and triangle with the
Target logo bullseye? And why
show an old building on the rear
of the $10? Why not show the latest
Las Vegas resort? Keep the Eagle.
What do you think PETSMART would
pay for a little banner?
But back to the Food Pyramid.
Why not monetize "calories"? What
would McDonalds pay to change
the word to "McNutrients?"
Of course, we'd need an Office
of Promotional Tie-In. I think
$500,000,000 would get it kick
started. Hey, why do we need zeros?
They could just as well be tiny
Target logos.
