Bad
Breath Terminology
by:
Kingston
Amadan
We all know someone who has bad
breath. Still, you may not be
current on all the slang associated
with this unfortunate condition.
Not to worry, my friend. I am
here to provide you with more
than a few descriptive phrases
to use when referring to recurring
bad breath, also known as halitosis.
This is not meant to be amusing,
but rather meant to provide a
public service to those who want
to classify people around them
who have bad breath without appearing
to be out of the loop. The last
thing I want you to do is blurt
out that someone simply has "bad
breath" as that can be an
unforgiveable social faux pas
in the wrong crowd. To be safe,
please refer to this list describing
the malady in more current terms.
When someone exhibits bad breath,
it is now said that they are:
A) farting topside
B) leaking some limburger
C) melting the moustache
D) burning tires on their tongue
E) polluting the local environment
F) exploring the limits of personal
space with every exhalation
Just think of how much more poignant
these remarks will be than the
old standard of, "so and
so has bad breath". Now you
too can appear "bad breath"
savvy when reporting the condition.
No need to thank me for this,
helping others is what I do. I
don't recommend that you make
these comment to the offending
person, as they might give the
impression of a lack of tact on
your part. Besides, telling someone
they have bad breath isn't nearly
as fun as telling someone else
about them. Of course, no one
would do this for the simple joy
of gossiping about another's misfortune.
Like me, I'm certain you would
merely be passing along vital
information in the hope that it
would work its way around to the
intended recipient. This way,
you have absolved yourself of
the serious responsibility of
telling someone their breath offends
and placed that burden not so
squarely on the shoulders of a
mutual acquaintance. Devilishly
brilliant, in my opinion.
About The Author
Kingston Amadan
A BadBreathOGram is an
e-mail you send to someone
who you want to know has
bad breath but you do not
want to confront directly.
Give it a try.
http://www.badbreathogram.com/.
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